@quint I’m having a time crunch with another project that I’m having a meeting about on Sunday afternoon. I was hoping I’d be able to write this on Motzi Shabbat (well actually I was hoping I’d get to it last night but I had to do the other thing), but I probably won’t be able to get to it till Sunday night.
Everyone
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Reaction to The Mason intros -
Intro 001Kind of. The issue is it makes the following year counts and time lines sound strange. For instance with the guy saying “Three months to know…” Obviously Beaumont was already there for 8 years, doing who knows what, but he definitely knew the place pretty well after 8 years. It raises the question of what he spent the three months actually doing? Checking the books, making calculations, what? And why would they choose him? If he comes from outside the work site, and the consultation is the first time he’s actually inspected the site, seen the books and made the calculations it makes a bit more sense. Especially given that “…they’d both been simple masons on the cathedral in Roche-Verte a quarter of a century ago.” It makes it sound like Arnaud and him are work always working together, but if Beaumont is not the master of the site, and hadn’t risen to master previously, how could he keep his right hand man around for all that time? I think you should just drop that whole sentence.
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Intro 003I remember you mentioning that the Powder Cumulate were human, but hadn’t realized that the White Council weren’t Venge - I’ll change it to ‘The Venge’.
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Intro 001lmk if the correction made it clearer
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Intro 001in the first paragraph there is a reference to 18 years, but it makes very little sense, was it supped to be “eighty and ten”?
Arnaud is reflecting that he was personally involved in the construction for 18 years - he and Le Maçon worked on the Hall for 18 years, 8 of those prior to when Le Maçon became the lead foreman. I’ll try to edit it to make it clearer when I get a chance.
I wonder how I feel about having a French flavour for Amerele’s language
lol, oops on my part. Once you mentioned French geography and phenotype, I figured language naturally followed to, and can actually hear Gaspard’s accent (from the second story) in the back of my head when I read him. But feel free to change it to whatever.
Truth is, I’d kept on meaning to point out that you’d said with the elves that you didn’t want the language to be 1:1 Celtic. Just like there, for personal convenience I used actual French here, figuring that you’ll change things to customize the language. I guess maybe you’ll change the language all together. Either way.
I wonder if I’d change Le Maçon’s name/moniker.
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Intro 003I remember you mentioning that the Powder Cumulate were human, but hadn’t realized that the White Council weren’t Venge - I’ll change it to ‘The Venge’.
I think I’d propose that perhaps he has some sort of low grade and constant Veil Sight?
Fine by me. I can try and rewrite to fit that setup better.
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Reaction to The Mason introsI was re reading through the intros in order to write the GM bit, but now I got a bit sleepy, so I don’t know how much I’ll get done tonight.
I got some ideas which I can share here:
I intend to write a bit about the border area and the situation going on there, give a description of veil sight and what he can see so we have a better handle on it, and maybe have him actually cross the border into the first Queendom there. My thought is to have him aiming to skirt around the Black Lakes, and try and head in the direction Songsands Pass which will allow him to travel down through Gobbarg Pass to the rest of the Squeendoms on that spur, or he can head up towards Averi, and go either left and explore the High Mountains, or try and go right and make his way to the smaller mountain islands, fjords and crags. -
Intro 003The White Council are not Venge, they are also not altogether human, but keep themselves shrouded hooded or their bodies and faces otherwise hidden from plain sight. So, in their speech to Beaumont they might use “you Venge” or “The Venge” or “Venge” etc. The Powder Cumulate is in fact a kingdom of living beings, ‘normal’ humans, being formed in the midst of the Venge and the lands the Venge come from (also the Amerelian Nightmare happens to border the Vampire Thrones).
With regard to him being able to see in the dark, I think I’d propose that perhaps he has some sort of low grade and constant Veil Sight? Other than being able to see the life threads of living beings I don’t think most undead have any particular advantage in vision over what they were naturally equipped with. I doubt most of them are veil sighted either. Vamps being the obvious exception, they can see (as cats do) in night, and they all have some level of veil sight. Venge of course are completely individual, it’s possible he came back with reflective cat eye mechanics, but seems unlikely.
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Intro 001‘Frere’ actually works for me without the connotations of ‘brother’, probably because I’m not French and it’s different enough from our form of it ‘friar’ for my brain to not actually form the connection. I wonder how I feel about having a French flavour for Amerele’s language, it was never my intention. I’m not sure if it colours them correctly or not, except that feudal France from Charlemagne on really forms the medieval chivalric archtype.
I like the kind of informal titles for the small vignettes.
Ah, I remember why I started responding; in the first paragraph there is a reference to 18 years, but it makes very little sense, was it supped to be “eighty and ten”?