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F Falconius moved this topic from WFR The Mason on
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‘Frere’ actually works for me without the connotations of ‘brother’, probably because I’m not French and it’s different enough from our form of it ‘friar’ for my brain to not actually form the connection. I wonder how I feel about having a French flavour for Amerele’s language, it was never my intention. I’m not sure if it colours them correctly or not, except that feudal France from Charlemagne on really forms the medieval chivalric archtype.
I like the kind of informal titles for the small vignettes.
Ah, I remember why I started responding; in the first paragraph there is a reference to 18 years, but it makes very little sense, was it supped to be “eighty and ten”?
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‘Frere’ actually works for me without the connotations of ‘brother’, probably because I’m not French and it’s different enough from our form of it ‘friar’ for my brain to not actually form the connection. I wonder how I feel about having a French flavour for Amerele’s language, it was never my intention. I’m not sure if it colours them correctly or not, except that feudal France from Charlemagne on really forms the medieval chivalric archtype.
I like the kind of informal titles for the small vignettes.
Ah, I remember why I started responding; in the first paragraph there is a reference to 18 years, but it makes very little sense, was it supped to be “eighty and ten”?
in the first paragraph there is a reference to 18 years, but it makes very little sense, was it supped to be “eighty and ten”?
Arnaud is reflecting that he was personally involved in the construction for 18 years - he and Le Maçon worked on the Hall for 18 years, 8 of those prior to when Le Maçon became the lead foreman. I’ll try to edit it to make it clearer when I get a chance.
I wonder how I feel about having a French flavour for Amerele’s language
lol, oops on my part. Once you mentioned French geography and phenotype, I figured language naturally followed to, and can actually hear Gaspard’s accent (from the second story) in the back of my head when I read him. But feel free to change it to whatever.
Truth is, I’d kept on meaning to point out that you’d said with the elves that you didn’t want the language to be 1:1 Celtic. Just like there, for personal convenience I used actual French here, figuring that you’ll change things to customize the language. I guess maybe you’ll change the language all together. Either way.
I wonder if I’d change Le Maçon’s name/moniker.
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Kind of. The issue is it makes the following year counts and time lines sound strange. For instance with the guy saying “Three months to know…” Obviously Beaumont was already there for 8 years, doing who knows what, but he definitely knew the place pretty well after 8 years. It raises the question of what he spent the three months actually doing? Checking the books, making calculations, what? And why would they choose him? If he comes from outside the work site, and the consultation is the first time he’s actually inspected the site, seen the books and made the calculations it makes a bit more sense. Especially given that “…they’d both been simple masons on the cathedral in Roche-Verte a quarter of a century ago.” It makes it sound like Arnaud and him are work always working together, but if Beaumont is not the master of the site, and hadn’t risen to master previously, how could he keep his right hand man around for all that time? I think you should just drop that whole sentence.
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My intent had been that a) Arnaud and Thibault had indeed been working together before La Salle, b) Thibault did not start his work at La Salle as the lead foreman of the entire project, but rather as a foreman of a team working underneath the Master Foreman; I’d assumed it was reasonable to say that multiple teams were working on La Salle at once, but with one Master Foreman on top, coordinating the work of all of the specific teams, of which would also have their own foreman.
I’m only mentioning this to gauge if that makes any sense. I don’t know anything about this kind of stuff.
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Very nice piece. Not sure where it leads. I’m reading this blind. Happen to be in a park in Paris as I read it, and made me wonder if the French language I hear echoing in the background was infiltrating its way into the text! Beaumont = Le Macon = Stone Mason. Seems like a very neutral subject for fantasy, so I am interested to see how you build on this (pun intended).
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Very nice piece. Not sure where it leads. I’m reading this blind. Happen to be in a park in Paris as I read it, and made me wonder if the French language I hear echoing in the background was infiltrating its way into the text! Beaumont = Le Macon = Stone Mason. Seems like a very neutral subject for fantasy, so I am interested to see how you build on this (pun intended).
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