Chapter 004
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I like how you’ve written this but left points for Rocky to insert his character’s reactions.
I was agree with Rocky’s point about the Spider Queens, since the 3rd Intro sends Le Macon on a mission to discover escaped Magikar victims, and was not expecting Spider Queens to show up, or at least Le Macon would not be expecting them.
As a grammatical point, the spelling of Le Macon is inconsistent in this chapter but that may just be a typo. -
@falconius ok, I’ve given this a better read now.
My one overarching comment is if it’s worthwhile for Le Maçon (or the Council) to even know that the Spider Queens exist. The way I’d imagined it when I was writing is that the Council knew something was there, knew it was some kind of escaped Magikar/Mageum experiment, but that they didn’t have details. Le Maçon would be a kind of First Contact scenario.
Figured it’s both good on the horror side of things, and also fits me as the author since I also don’t really know much about them, even if it’s a smidgen more than I’m proposing Le Maçon would know.
Secondly, just to make sure I’ve got the details right: Le Maçon is by the southern side of a lake or series of lakes (I see they’re called the Black Lakes, not sure if they’re interconnected like most of the Great Lakes or not). The water is strange - it doesn’t reflect the night sky as much as it should, it has a marked lack of life energy, and there seems to be a lot of long, black hair in it. Is that right?
Would he be able to progress around the lake? I’m debating his options. Truth is, in terms of exploring options, assuming he’s able to trap a rodent or small animal, are you able to tell me what would happen if he throws it in?
@Quint Yes, Lenth/Southern side, heading Naulen/East around it, the lake is one the map and is nestled in the mountians. Heading along this shore he is now encountering mountainous terrain that marches right into the lake. I assume if he threw a small animal in the lake it would drown, probably just from getting caught up and tangled in the hair.
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I like how you’ve written this but left points for Rocky to insert his character’s reactions.
I was agree with Rocky’s point about the Spider Queens, since the 3rd Intro sends Le Macon on a mission to discover escaped Magikar victims, and was not expecting Spider Queens to show up, or at least Le Macon would not be expecting them.
As a grammatical point, the spelling of Le Macon is inconsistent in this chapter but that may just be a typo.As a grammatical point, the spelling of Le Macon is inconsistent in this chapter but that may just be a typo.
As a group, we’ve been spelling things inconsistently for a while now, tbh. My favorite is Magikar/Majikar, for which my personal headcanon is that it’s spelled differently in different parts of the world, which is imho highly believable. We can add this to the list.
(I actually just keep Le Maçon in my clipboard when I’m writing him so I can just ctrl+v in without needing to find the
çsomewhere to copy-paste in, fwiw.) -
@Quint Yes, Lenth/Southern side, heading Naulen/East around it, the lake is one the map and is nestled in the mountians. Heading along this shore he is now encountering mountainous terrain that marches right into the lake. I assume if he threw a small animal in the lake it would drown, probably just from getting caught up and tangled in the hair.
I assume if he threw a small animal in the lake it would drown, probably just from getting caught up and tangled in the hair.
The hair wouldn’t animate or anything? That’s my main question. I’d be thinking of having him explore it more, debating what to write. Do you have something set for that, or should I make it up?
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Would it? For a mouse? I dont know. It might be that something like that just sinks, immediately.
@Falconius I’m thinking that I’d probably write Le Maçon going into the lake, should I just make up what happens, or do you have something specific in mind?
Even to make up what happens, I’d want to get a clearer picture of Spider Queens in general, what their “powers” are, etc. I could start a new thread about that, I probably should.
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@Falconius I’m thinking that I’d probably write Le Maçon going into the lake, should I just make up what happens, or do you have something specific in mind?
Even to make up what happens, I’d want to get a clearer picture of Spider Queens in general, what their “powers” are, etc. I could start a new thread about that, I probably should.
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aaa I forgot about this yesterday and got caught up with other stuff. (Sunday is usually my writing day.) I’ll see where I can fit it in, not sure I’ll be able to get it out during the week this week, but will make an effort. (Not bc of pressure, I’d prefer it that way myself.)
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@falconius my original plan had been to write an entire encounter with a Spider Queen in the lake. That would be a big chapter. Now I’m wondering if it might be better off if I just get the story up to them being able to have a conversation, and then hand it back to you. Do you have any thoughts or preferences?
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Do you want a back and forth? That might be difficult if we take into account communication delays. Or do you want to maybe suggest the questions or conversation he’d seek to have, and then i do the same snd then have one of either of us write it?
Do you want a back and forth? That might be difficult if we take into account communication delays. Or do you want to maybe suggest the questions or conversation he’d seek to have, and then i do the same snd then have one of either of us write it?
Both are very interesting ideas. Let’s try the second (to avoid scheduling issues, like you pointed out). I’d get the chapter up to the conversation (I’m pretty close to that, but it’s a rough draft and there are some parts I really want to clean up), and then I’ll make a separate post about what I’m thinking (questions/the convo Le Maçon would want to have).
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I should be close to done now, over 2k words, but I’m happy with it. It still needs some finishing touches.
It gets through the first couple of lines of dialogue between Le Maçon and a Spider Queen at the bottom of the lake. As usual, I have a ton of thoughts about her, where the conversation could go, etc, but I think the better part of valor should be not trying to lock in too much. I’ll share the better ideas (imho) I’ve had about her backstory when I post.
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I should be close to done now, over 2k words, but I’m happy with it. It still needs some finishing touches.
It gets through the first couple of lines of dialogue between Le Maçon and a Spider Queen at the bottom of the lake. As usual, I have a ton of thoughts about her, where the conversation could go, etc, but I think the better part of valor should be not trying to lock in too much. I’ll share the better ideas (imho) I’ve had about her backstory when I post.
@Quint I thought you were going to edit your parts into what @falconius had written in chapter 004, but I see you’ve submitted a new chapter (005, which I look forward to reading shortly). Nevertheless, chapter 004 remains incomplete as there are some sections in brackets which look to have been awaiting @quint input and amendment. Particularly, the below section:
[Should this rage episode be removed? I wrote it before you mentioned the rarity of it’s occurrence.]
Have I understood this correctly, or was this just a writing note, within @falconius chapter, to come back to himself and refine?
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@Quint I thought you were going to edit your parts into what @falconius had written in chapter 004, but I see you’ve submitted a new chapter (005, which I look forward to reading shortly). Nevertheless, chapter 004 remains incomplete as there are some sections in brackets which look to have been awaiting @quint input and amendment. Particularly, the below section:
[Should this rage episode be removed? I wrote it before you mentioned the rarity of it’s occurrence.]
Have I understood this correctly, or was this just a writing note, within @falconius chapter, to come back to himself and refine?
I thought you were going to edit your parts into what @falconius had written in chapter 004
Truth is, if that had been the plan, I’d lost track of it. @falconius did you want me to make a pass on 004?
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Feel better, @falconius , sorry to hear that.
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