Chapter 18
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@Falconius based on your clarifications; the prisoners are taken down from the Loveless into the tunnels to clear them out. No quarrys or mining, just removal of rubble from the tunnels to restore the connection from the Loveless to the Necrolabs.
Once the tunnels are reopened and the structure is stabilised the work will be done. This seems like a smaller task than just mining for ??? (insert whatever we thought they may be mining for).
I never thought they were mining for anything. I never thought they were mining. What would be so important? If they were actually actively mining how would they possibly escape the notice of the dwarfs? If there were anything important under the ground of Vereign it’d be more likely to be under The Column or under the old city.
Which is why the only task I could think of would be to clear out the collapses you said occurred. But, if you guys want the mining so bad all you got to do is come up with a better reason for it. You got to answer the questions of why would they be using these special hidden prisoners, rather than just regular prisons in a project they don’t care about hiding (there are no regular mines I can think of that anyone with the power of an empire would bother hiding, maybe a plutonium mine if that was at all a relevant mineral in this age)? What is so import to mine that they have to keep it secret? What reason would they need the Majikar involved in this secret mine? What reason would they have to bother keeping the Majikar a secret and not simply wipe them out and do it on their own? etc etc.
But, if you guys want the mining so bad all you got to do is come up with a better reason for it.
I’d misunderstood the ending of 17 (it was the hardest part of the chapter for me to understand), and I’m not particularly attached to it.
Though just bc I like justifying myself, at the time I’d thought they’d been ‘engaged’ because Fassogen was extending the Labs underground, or bc of something to do with the chasm that’s mentioned there.
Though once you’d said that I’d misinterpreted the intent, I planned on rewriting the piece. As it happens, that’s when Jacob started talking about what direction he wanted things to go in, so I ended up just handing off instead.
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Speaking of handoffs, @hexlor should I be assuming there will be rewrites I should wait for?
(Not that I have a clear idea of what I’m doing, but trying to figure out if I should even be brainstorming.)
@Quint There will be a rewrite, but all I’ll be doing is editing out the Jackals and just putting is some generic criminals, and clarifying that the work they are doing is clearing out the tunnels, rather than mining. Note, I have no attachment to having our characters mining, it was just a misundrstanding of the end of chapter 17. So, no need to wait for my rewrite, but I should have it done this weekend in any case.
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Well, don’t edit out the Jackals. Clearly I’ve been outvoted on that point!
I’m somewhere in the middle. If there’s a reason for them to be there and they’re written well, then I’m all for it. I don’t think the chapter as is really gives them any reason to be there, so I’d say either removing them or doubling down are both options.
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Well, don’t edit out the Jackals. Clearly I’ve been outvoted on that point!
I’m somewhere in the middle. If there’s a reason for them to be there and they’re written well, then I’m all for it. I don’t think the chapter as is really gives them any reason to be there, so I’d say either removing them or doubling down are both options.
So I used the Jackals in two ways; 1) to provide information about the explosions/tunnel collapse, which they had been tasked by Fassogen to clean up 2) to continue their involvement with Owen, by having them follow us into the Loveless.
I think I can remove the Jackals without losing anything:
Regards the first point, since all the prisoners are now cleaning out the tunnels, they are directly involved down there and the reasons/rumours for the tunnel collapse could have come from someone else, it doesn’t have to be the Jackals.
For the second point, I agree that their introduction in chapter 18 is weak. They can follow us into the Loveless, but I’ll remove them here, and leave that for a later installment (whoever wants to write them in).
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